my getaway

so this will be my last semester in getting my bachelor degree.  and after that i will be going into the “teaching credential program” if i get accepted.  HOWEVER, i’m stupid and didn’t do any of the paperworks (cuz i’m so clueless), and haven’t taken any of the tests to qualify me into the program!  all the paperworks and stuff are due in exactly 2 weeks, and it’s practically impossible to get everything in on time.  which means, i’ll prob have a semester break from school……

i’m just so clueless sometimes!  and i hate it!  just like 3 or 4 years ago.  i took a graphic design class.  i suppose to turn in my portfolio to get into the next class.  i came to class and saw EVERYBODY turning in their portfolio, and i’m like, “wat?! we suppose to turn it in today?!”.  and my friend said “yeah, he sent us an email.”  i then opened my laptop and went through my mails.  i somehow missed and didn’t see the email.  the ONLY unread email.  the email had everything we suppose to put into the portfolio, and stuff.  in the end, i quit the graphic design program.  honestly, if i were to taken the next class, i’ll only have like 3 more classes to graduate.

in 8th grade, i was suppose to take the highschool exam test.  i went to Bellarmine to take the test, and my name wasn’t listed on the window (which tells us which room to go to).  my older brother was there with me, and asked “did you sign up?”  and im like “what do you mean? we need to sign up?”  =\ luckily, they just let me in and take the test.

i dunno… something’s just wrong with me.  it seems i can’t do anything right unless somebody is there to guide me step-by-step…….

so yeah, i’ll be wasting away a 6 months of my life (next semester)……..

i’m freaken 25 yrs old, still haven’t gotten my Bachelor, while prob most of my HS friends already graduated, some with ur Masters and PHD.  some with a family, and here i am…… still in school, single, living at home depending on my parents……. i honestly do feel quite useless.

so always get the question…. “why won’t you try a different major? teachers don’t make much money; especially art teachers.   and it’s also hard to find a job.”  i would if i could!  there’s really nothing i’m good at.  my english sucks, my math isn’t even great, maybe average.  not good at science either. and i’m not “lanh” enuff to be a business major or anything of sort.

i am honestly fearful of my future……

i haven’t given up.  but i do hope the day comes soon, when i can be fully confident and be independent.

today, my mommy spoiled me.  =P

so after a very long day of school, my mom picked me up.  then we went to costco.  my mommy got for me a box of HOT CHEETOS! (50 small bags).  and then i asked for nachos, and she also got it for me!  and then, she also got me a POLISH SAUSAGE!!!!!!!

yes, i’m 25 and i’m still spoiled by my parents.  =P

the purpose of a journal/diary is to say what you feel.  it is meant to relieve you from all the stuff you kept bottled inside. yet i am restraining myself from doing so as much as i want to just blog anything i feel like..  and continue to bottle things up…

a public blog is meant so that others can read it.  sometimes i want to post a public blog, yet i’m afraid to do so.  afraid certain people might read it and make comments that i don’t want to hear.  i suppose i’m also self-conscious and am afraid what others might think of me.

for example: lets say i’m super mad at my best friend “Jill” and i wanna cuss her out on my blog.  I want to write that blog so that she can see it and understand how i’m feeling, but at the same time, i don’t want our friendship to end or anything.  but then again, i don’t want EVERYBODY else to read it and give in their opinion.  but at the same time, i dont’ want to make a “private blog” just for my friend “Jill” cuz it’ll be like an email, and it’ll be too direct…….

i guess i tend to find myself stuck, and always end up keeping everything to myself.  it’s also hard to find people to talk to.  i don’t really know who to go to anymore….

i guess wat i want is just to blog watever, and have everybody pretend that they don’t know anything.  but i don’t think tat’s gonna happen.

in no particular order

1. school: hw, exams, projects, grades, graduation

2. career: will i be able to find a job? will i make enuff money to support myself and a family?

3. love life: will i be single 4-e-ver?! future family

4. video/computer games: man, i sometimes dream of them.  lol

5. friends: people are drifting away…=(

6. food: i always ask my mom what food do we have at home.  lol

7. my crush(es)….. not sure if i have any atm, but when i do, i think about them a lot. =P

haha, i kinda just copied Tien’s  =P

1. love music, play music, sing music (decently).

2. humorous and has a sense of humor.  knows how to have fun. (i tend to joke around quite a bit sometimes.  i don’t like it when girls are serious ALL the time.)

3. make me food! (yumm, foood)

4. a cutie more than a hottie.  (but a little looks does count)

5. a bit of a tomboy.  (sorry, don’t like super girlly girls who are always too conscious of their looks)

6. innocent.  (the innocents tend to naturally make me laugh)

7. confident (but NOT cocky, a show-off, and over-confident)

8. be comfortable around me and not shy.

1.  i am very nocturnal!  (it’s 3:21am now!)

2.  i love to sing!  =)

3.  i like the heat better than the cold.

4.  i like to listen to japanese songs even though i don’t understand it.  =P

5.  i teach people piano even though i’m not that great.

6.  i love driving fast and i hate slow/stupid drivers.  =O

7.  i am under 100 lbs!  O,O

8.  i had never had a gf.  O,O

9.  i’m in my 7th year of college and still haven’t had my bachelor degree yet! =(

1.  i miss you, though it seems like you’re ignoring me.   sometime i wanna just send an aim or see how u’r doing, but i’m afraid i’m just bothering you.  so i stopped…  just hope u’r doing fine, and i hope to see you soon.  take care.

2.  man, how long have we known each other?  i’m glad to have known you.  i’m sure you know.  =)

3.  i love you mom

4.  thankyou for helping me out all the time.  it should be me who’s suppose to be of great assist to you….sorry

5.  you are so smart, and have great potential.  though, i hope u could listen, and not be so arrogant and annoying with ur sarcasm sometimes…maybe ur close ones might come to like you better…

6.  you are quite talented, cute, and pretty cool.  not sure about my feelings for you yet.  but then, it prob doesn’t matter even if i did….

7.  i miss yall!  come back to CA!!!  =`(

8.  thankyou for always helping me.  especially with school.  i don’t know what i would do without you.  i’m very greatful for having you in my life.

9.  i hope you would learn and change.  i hope you had changed from before and become a better person.  this would benefit you and those close to you.

10.  i don’t think you would ever change.  you are so stubborn, selfish, hypocritical, arrogant……. i hope you would listen to others and not take it personally.  i hope you would loosen up.  it prob won’t happen…. but i sure hope… 

warmstrangers:

…..

DECOMPOSE! LOL! Yay for corny jokes. K, I’m off to go cliff diving. <3

so it’s 3am, and i was up looking at quotes that best match wat i was feeling…

now i forgot how i was feeling, and i don’t know how i’m feeling now…….. i think i shall sleep now.  nite.