can’t sleep……. i just had a sudden rush of thoughts…
the feeling of not being good enough:
had you ever had a crush, but are afraid to make a move? not because you are afraid of rejection, but afraid that you won’t being able to keep them happy? sometimes, i refrain from making a move because i find myself to be a fairly boring guy. if i find myself boring, the other person will most likely find me boring right? what if i am unable to entertain her? what happens if she soon figures out how boring i am? i feel so hopeless…
school and not being able to finish assignments:
oy, i have to teach for an entire month, and i was just wondering if my next assignments would work. i’m wondering if it’s too vague? but if i make it too straightforward, would it be too boring? what if students cut corners and find loopholes? what restrictions/expectations should i give them?
then i got my other lesson plan due Wednesday, which i haven’t start….what if i don’t finish on time?
god…… all these questions…… it’s pass 4:35am, and all these questions! it’s not making me feel good. i feel depress…..sometimes, i just wish a random knife would stab straight through my heart/brain/throat, but somehow magically painlessly, and everything will be done. sigh…all these worrying, questions, unknowns… i just want to be carefree.